>Under penalty of law, tag is not to be removed except by the consumer.

>Well hell’s bells.

I lost my conversation buddy for the evening (Naiah’s laptop battery tanked), my husband is asleep, but dogs have followed suit, and I am anything but sleepy. Bollocks.

I suppose I could update my pissed off list. That was kinda fun. Until I can think of some more worthwhile shit to do, I’m afraid this is it. Abandon ship, if you can.

15. Gwen Stefani’s “Hollaback Girl”. The woman is 36 for Chrissakes.

16. Volvos. Or “Volvi”. In my experience, people who drive “Volvi” don’t really know how to drive.

16. Pottery Barn. Overpriced pretentious bullshit furniture with no soul.

17. Political discussions. No good ever comes from them, no one ever leaves them with a warm, contented feeling, and no one ever agrees, so just read The Onion or the Drudge Report and be done with it there.

18. I might be crucified for saying this, but Starbucks. And I live in Seattle. It’s just coffee, people. Haven’t you heard of hypertension? Starbucks now has over six thousand retail stores in the United States and more than ten thousand worldwide. Coffee can contribute to anxiety and panic disorders, increases the risk of miscarriages and carpal tunnel syndrome. Of course, if you think about it, most everything is bad for you, so I suppose I don’t hate coffee per se, but dammit I do hate Starbucks.

19. How many fucking different flavors of soda do we need? Coke, Cherry Coke, Vanilla Coke, Lime Coke, Dr. Pepper, Vanilla Dr Pepper, Vanilla Cherry Dr. Pepper, Pepsi, Wild Cherry Pepsi, Pepsi Twist, Cherry Vanilla coke, Pepsi Lime, Sprite, Diet Sprite, Sprite Remix, Diet Coke, Diet Cherry coke, Diet Vanilla Coke, Diet Lime Coke, Diet Dr. Pepper, Diet Vanilla Dr Pepper, Diet Vanilla Cherry Dr. Pepper, Diet Pepsi, Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi, Diet Pepsi Twist, Diet Cherry Vanilla Coke, Diet Pepsi Lime…So I’m just waiting for Diet-Cherry-Vanilla-Lime-Avocado-Porterhouse-Graham-Cracker-Grapefruit-Coke. I think it’d be a hit.

20. Self-help books. If you are able to help yourself you don’t need a fucking book.

21. Spell-checkers. No child born after 1985 knows how to spell thanks to this bullshit technological marvel, and for adults who use it, they should go cold turkey and take their licks for being a bunch of lazy shits who won’t edit their own writing.

22. Stupid-ass cell-phone ring tones. Just a ring, that’s all you need. Why do we need a digitalized version of Nelly to alert us that our phone is ringing? Bloody stupid idea.

23. People who pronounce “often” “offen”, “library” “libary”, and “fifth” “fiff”. I don’t really feel I need to elaborate on this point.

24. People who still write checks at the grocery store. They should just wear a name tag that says, “Hi. My name is _______, and I am floating this check”. Ahem.

25. Carpeted stairs. They are a bitch to vacuum.

Okay, I’m 86-ing myself at 25.
Don’t want to elevate my “Pseudo-Bitch” status to “Full-on-no-holds-barred Bitch”.

Voulez-voulez-vous Bitch.

2 thoughts on “>Under penalty of law, tag is not to be removed except by the consumer.

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