An actual job isn’t this much work.
So, I’m spending the evening with the house to myself save for a cantankerous feline by the name of JuneBug who absolutely despises me and shows it by randomly hissing and swiping her paw at me. I’ve decided to give up on salvaging our relationship and have taken to hissing back at her for no other reason than for my own amusement.
So my evening has been reduced to spinach enchiladas, oolong tea, and watching “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas” for the upteenth time on my computer while using said computer to switch alternately between writing this and completing my online crossword puzzle.
“What? No, we can’t stop here! This is bat country…”
Made the mistake of laying down with a crossword puzzle around 3 pm and dozed off. Woke up 5 hours later. I’m never getting to sleep tonight.
So, things I found noteworthy today:
– A woman boarded the bus with a large, red plastic bag that resembled the ones you receive when you’ve made a purchase at a sex shop. A gentleman made note of this, and asked her about it.
“No,” she replied. “I have human organs in here.”
The gentleman looked baffled. “You mean, like hearts and kidneys and stuff?”
“Yes, but don’t worry. They’re in ice chests. They won’t fall out.”
I examined the bag. There were no sharp corners or solid protrusions through the plastic that would have indicated such contents. In fact, the bag looked somewhat…mushy.
The gentleman maintained his baffled expression. “you work at, like, a doctor’s office?”
“No.” She looked irritated. “You don’t get organs at the doctor’s office. You get them at the DMV.”
He looked awestruck. “Ah!” he said. “The DMV…that’s where, you, like, get your driver’s license and stuff, right?”
She looked relieved that finally, he knew what she was talking about. “Yes! Because when you select ‘organ donor’ on your license, that’s where people take them. I’m delivering them to people.”
The gentleman commented on her brazen act of philanthropy and went back to singing “What a friend we have in Jesus”.
Jane Doe the Body Thief got off at 3rd and Union. Probably went to peddle her wares at Pike Place Market or something.
Voulez-voulez-vous As your attorney, I advise you to take a hit out of the little brown bottle in my shaving kit.