>Frank Lloyd Wright ain’t got nuthin’ on me…

>I am not an architect. (alas). There is good reason for this. I suck at math. Other than a rather unhealthy fascination with Pi, my ability to apply mathematics in any real practical sense is severely lacking.
And because life is not without a certain sense of irony, I also have an unhealthy fascination with architecture. So much that my entire senior portfolio in college revolved around it.

Now, when I say architecture, I do not mean that freakish nuclear reactor meltdown carcass found within the confines of Seattle Center. The Experience Music Project is a bigger eyesore then the decrepit skeeball booths across from the tilt-a-whirl. I mean, who does that? Honestly? Did the visionaries of said structure down some LSD prior to their meeting with the city council? Frank Gehry is like the 3-D version of Salvador Dali gone awry. This man should have never been set loose. Honestly.

Now, true architecture, in my opinion (so back of you critic hacks…I ain’t in critique in my painting classes in college anymore so you can kiss my ass…) is pretty much anything constructed before the 1900’s. The type of architecture I am infatuated with usually focuses on Gothic, Romanesque, Greek, baroque, neoclassical, et cetera et cetera. I adore symmetry. (which is why I think that the EMP as displayed above looks like a steel refinery puked all over downtown…). Rose windows are enough to make me giddy and swoon. (I am convinced that if I ever do see Notre Dame in person the experience will render me unconscious for several hours).
I am not a religious person by any means, but you have to respect a people whose faith is so powerful and motivating that they envision and bring to life the most breathtaking and awe-inspiring of structures as a testament of their faith. Gothic cathedrals are, to me, the epitome of architectural perfection and beauty. (Well, the arch deserves some mad props also…I feel the arch is one of the most significant innovations of mankind…the Romans kick ass…)
So given my love and appreciation for antiquated man-made structures I have integrated them into my work as an artist for as long as I can remember. I love the meticulousness of it, the precision, the symmetry…I can’t explain why or where this passion came from…it’s just always there.
I explain this because I, Niff, have created, by far, the most fantastic and majestic structures of all time. Yes, the girl who barely passed college algebra has surmounted a feat only attempted by the bravest and succeeded only by the most brilliant. Using the most technical of plans, the most precise of materials, laborious toil, blood, sweat and tears, I have created what I feel will ultimately become a true icon of our century. I give you: Pont du Niff:
Made with only the finest materials spawning from the deepest quarries on the farthest corners of the earth…commissioned by the Great Zoe “The Bug” (who will most likely demolish it when she wakes up in the morning), and brought to life by the hands of yours truly, it is undoubtedly one of the world’s greatest architectural feats. It will be a major icon of humanity’s history. It will be a legend in my own mind.

Yes, yes…you may kneel before me if you wish. Just don’t embarrass me…or I will hurl a voussoir at you.

voulez-voulez-vous flying buttresses.

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