>So, Christmas, I was sure, was going to suck this year.
I wasn’t going to see my parents because of finances and logistics…
I wasn’t going to be spending it with what once was my “family”…
My housemates would all be out of town seeing their families…
I had no Christmas tree whatsoever.
And none of my friends in my community were big fans of Christmas. A large portion of them, I recently discovered, were Jewish.
So, Christmas, I was certain, was going to suck this year.
Didn’t think I was going to feel as badly as I did this morning. I mean, I knew I was going to feel a bit melancholy this morning…especially after dropping my housemates and the Bug off at the airport. But as I drove home and Christmas music took over the radio and I drove past various shops and buildings and homes clad in holiday decor, it started to sink in. This was going to be my first Christmas without….well, Christmas.
I got home…wanted to go to my room…couldn’t. It had been scheduled ahead of time that the stairs were to be painted on Christmas day, as most people wouldn’t be home. I apparently am not most people. I had already taken all of my work-prep things downstairs to stay in the first floor guestroom, so I was prepared…but going up to see Prof. Pi would have been nice.
I entered the house, dumped off my backpack and the keys, went into the spare room, buried my face into the pillows and began to sob. It was horrible. All I wanted was to share Christmas with people I loved. It wasn’t going to happen this year. I wanted to sit by the tree and give gifts and laugh and smile and enjoy everyone’s happiness, to go and look at Christmas lights in the car…but it wasn’t going to happen. This year really, really hurt. I decided that next year I am definitely going home for Christmas. Home is wherever the people you love are.
I knew I had planned on going to the aquarium for the day since I discovered to my joy and delight that they were open from 12 to 5 on Christmas…then I had planned to go by Sev and Ethan’s afterward as I had been invited for Chinese food and movie marathons. But I allowed my negative feedback loop to engage (again…) and I felt so wretched and sad and alone that I didn’t feel anything could cheer me up. But then again, the alternative was to stay in the house while Andre, the short, chubby Russian painter worked on our stairs and intermittently tried to engage me in conversation. I opted for captive sea life on exhibit.
The aquarium was a bit more busy than I expected…and I don’t mean to sound racist when I say this, but most of the aquarium’s clientele today consisted of Asians and Jewish folks (I deduced this by several of the gentlemen wearing their kippahs…)
I took quite a few amazing photos which I will have to post later as the adapter to my camera is attached to my computer which is located on a desk that is in my room which is at the top of a flight of stairs which is atop yet another flight of stairs which is currently being painted and is thus inaccessible. So, the photos will have to wait. Which in unfortunate, because I do have a picture on there of me getting a special Christmas hug from a sea urchin…but, again, it will have to wait.
But I did take a pic of this guy on my phone: