next step: world domination.

Last week I started this new thing where I demanded that everyone in my section of cubicles write me a daily haiku. By 9:00 am. After explaining what exactly a haiku was, I discovered that they actually did it…some were so enthusiastic they would write several in a day. Some would even write one without being prompted in the morning with my direct albeit threatening reminder emails. Those, however, who did not respond on time, were rewarded with the ghastly star-nosed mole method of discipline:

This was not received with a great deal of enthusiasm.

So as a tribute to all of those who responded in a timely manner, along with their pizza trophies they shall hereby be honored in this July 15th ‘made from 100% recycled drivel’ blog. They will forever be remembered and their beautiful words will go down in the annals of history.

I shall post David’s first, as he is the #1 winner for the most plentiful and creative of all haiku’s:

David:

I think in haiku,
Please help, I cannot stop it.
You did this to me.

Stress over haiku
I don’t think I can do it.
Make the lady stop!

Zealous Rejector,
Gleeful in responding with,
The red stamp of death.

Ugly star nose mole,
Why do you always haunt me?
Your nose freaks me out.

Phil is on the phone,
Listen to him while he speaks.
Phil speaks really fast.

(again with the star-nosed mole)

Do not torment me,
I have a real phobia.
It’s the nose…the nose…

Sending me pictures
Of disgusting animals,
Make my stomach hurt.

Phil likes cereal.
Has a box on his desk.
Does he use milk?

Yummy, delicious.
Wonderfully Chocolately.
Makes the day okay.

Kellogg Cereal,
Is hiding a treat inside
I will not give in.

The weekend is here,
Sunshine is in the forecast,
No obits to do!

Oh, delicious scone,
Welcoming me in your arms,
Regret is now here.

Residential cubicle,
Flourescent light beating down.
Weekend…Salvation.

Unbelievable,
Could not believe this is real,
My haiku is weak.

A little rusty,
Victim of Monday mornings,
A haiku for you.

(This one we were discussing the perils of skydiving, and I told him I would write his obit complete with a close-up photo of his “plummeting to my death” face)

Rest in Peace, David.
Your death is devastating,
My life can’t go on.

Phil:

Shiny toys on ground…
I reach to pick them up and…
My right hand explodes
(this was during the infamous penny experiment)

*sigh* poor ed wenick
He tries so hard to do right
His numbers are off

Triumphant he sits
David Barrow has written
Today’s best haiku

Deaf chick on the phone…?
Nigerian government,
Why do you bother?

Been quiet all week
And NOW it’s all rush rush rush…..
It must be Friday.

What was a blessing
Has turned into bitter curse
Time to go jogging

No web postings, huh?
Trouble with Adicio…
io… io…. i….

Five syllable words
And seven syllable words
Are quite efficient.

Andrew:

The clock it ticks down
The weekend is awaiting
Must escape this place

No no no no no
No no no no no no no
No no no no no

evolutionist
psuedointellectual
congratulations

Chris:

Sitting at my desk
A case of the Wednesdays
Fear the Star Nosed Mole

Dear Editor Please
Place Advert for Fourteen Days
And Kindly Get Back

Barely missed the bus
Thirty minutes until next
I got to work late

I need a haircut
Think I’m going to get one
After work today

Heather:

Woke up late again
I caught the bus at 8:10
Won’t do that again

Ed:

Watching The Sun Rise
Looking For Light To Welcome
But Only Dullness Here

Trying To Count Toes
To Get The Numbers Right Now
Counts His Fingers Too

I Wanna iPhone
I Want One Really Badly
Enamored By Them

voulez-voulez-vous:
Pinky: “What ah’ we going to do today, Brain?”
Brain: “The same thing we do every night Pinky.
try to take over the world…”

One thought on “next step: world domination.

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