doodles make a mighty fine non-sequitur.

I can’t get my chair to scoot in all the way because the mechanism which allows for the lowering of the armrests without also lowering said chair is malfunctioning. This results in my elbows being at a slightly higher elevation than they should be which also results in a sort of “shrugging” appearance, thus I have this perpetual “I dunno” presence. I don’t believe this is ergonomically sound. Perhaps I should sue. I could get a new chair from one of the many recently vacated cubicles (eek) but I refuse on sheer principle.

My latest obsessive focus has been on developing my website. I have spent far too many consecutive hours engrossed in Photoshop and Dreamweaver. Sunday morning I hopped on and began clicking away at approximately 10:00. After some time I decided I should probably get some food. I (achingly) stood up and glanced at the ginormous clock above my dresser.

5:30.

My housemates were as surprised as I; they had no idea I was even home.
Hey, I gotta cash in on my focus and motivation when I get it. Which is never entirely consistent. Opportunity knocked, I answered, closed the door, and hibernated.

I have decided to cease all posting of the “Cube Haiku’s” as they have been dubbed by my co-worker Phil because, to my utter surprise, have gotten completely out.of.control.

I created them their own folder in Outlook. Called it “Haiku’s”. Even created an email group with the same title. I set up the group so that it automatically sends any pieces composed to the select individuals who contribute to this majesty of the written word. Because they have their own folder, Outlook provides a little tally at the bottom of the screen which tells you how many messages are in that particular folder. I happened to glance at it this morning. And nearly pissed myself in the chair with the non-working armrests.

(This is where I once again use an entire paragraph for one word or numerical value for emphasis and shock value. And italics for good measure.)

283.

(See? Aren’t you shocked?)

There are only six of us in the Haiku Collective. That means, since July 9, we have written and selectively distributed 283 of these damn things.

We tried the “theme” thing. David gave me the responsibility of deciding on a theme, however, my authority was quickly revoked when I announced that the theme was “tuberculosis”.

Although I did get a couple contributions:

Phil:
WTF!!?!?!??!
Have we really come to this?
Tuberculosis?

David:
I attack the lungs,
The name…tuberculosis.
Everyone fear me.

Somehow “tuberculosis” evolved into Sean Connery. Which received a more favorable response.

David
No one can compete,
The fact remains clear, he is
The only James Bond.

Chris
(Chris thoroughly impressed me with his SNL ‘Celebrity Jeopardy’ reference)

The name’s Bond, James Bond
Martini shaken not stirred
You like that Trebek?

Heather:
Mmmmm…Sean Connery
Voice sexy as hairy arms
Too bad you’re so old

You may be tired of haiku’s but tough sh*t. My blog. And I want to show the PENNY haiku thread.. (To understand some of the following references I recommend this for relevant historical information.)

Phil:
Useless currency!
Not worth my time to pick up–
Littering the aisle.

Chris:
Pennies are worthless
Can’t buy anything with them
So what is the point?

Heather:
Seventenn pennies
Is seventeen one hundreths
Of a dollar bill

David:
Pennies from heaven,
Not necessarily good,
If working near Phil.

David:
Plenty of pennies
Everyone is in his range,
Do not piss off the Phil

Heather:
Gasp! 6 Syllables?
Dave gets penny to the head
Count right Mr. B

David:
I can’t believe it.
Didn’t think it could happen,
I slight overlook.

Heather:
I can forgive you
Don’t let it happen again
I will steal your pen

And then somehow the penny thread evolved into Pink Eye. Blame Andrew.

Andrew:
Conjunctivitis
Please be careful what you touch
Or you shall catch it

Phil:
So are you claiming
That “Charles in charge” Scott Baio
Just gave you pink eye?

It began innocently enough as a plot to take over the planet. Didn’t think it would actually work.

voulez-voulez vous
You are my haiku lemmings!
Mwahaahaahaahaaaa!!!

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