The Collective’s ThinkGeek Haiku Submittal.

So I was made aware of this recently:

click here for teh hawesomeness…

This was, oh so good to be true…

So I am posting our submittal email. It is long. It may be boring. It may be disregarded by most of you because of these facts. I say…uh, so? My effing blog.

HA!

Here you are:

“Dearest ThinkGeek:

(This may need a little history first…so I am going to copy and paste from a blog entry I did):
“Last week I started this new thing where I demanded that everyone in my section of cubicles write me a daily haiku. By 10:00 am. After explaining what exactly a haiku was, I discovered that my otherwise preoccupied peers actually did it…some were so enthusiastic they would write several in a day. Some would even write one without being prompted in the morning with my direct albeit threatening reminder emails…I suppose it was our substitute for smoke breaks.”

So, this began back on July 9th…my 6 coworkers and I. To my amazement this has reached astronomical proportions, completely by accident. To date there have been 427 haiku’s composed. (I’m not sure of the apostrophe protocol of Haiku(‘s) but I’m winging it here…). So when a friend noticed your contest, and knowing my love of your catalog (most notably for your pi merchandise) and the Collective’s Great Haiku Experiment…I did not see coincidence…I saw destiny!

Since as of yesterday we had no haiku’s composed that could really be considered “techie” or “geeky”, and since we have “haiku themes” on a regular basis, the theme was set, and haiku’s were produced.

There are several authors here, but as we see ourselves as a Collective, we felt we had to send them en masse. That and some of the haiku’s tended to become a back and forth conversation between us. So my deepest apologies if this is highly inconvenient, but I feel it would be a disservice to The Collective to not submit our work together.

So.

* Your First Name: Jennifer, David, Ed, Chris, Heather, Andrew, Phil
* Your location (City/State or City/Country) Seattle, WA
* Your Haiku(s)

Here you are, with the brief introduction provided in our 82-page (yes, 82) Word document of Haiku’s:

Then we learned that ThinkGeek was having their own haiku contest
where the requirements were:
Your Haiku MUST be geeky and/or infused with a technological bent.
(and this part we thought was especially awesome):
“You can submit as many original Haikus as you like, please keep them within a single email to make it easier on us though.”
(um, not sure if the “easier on us” statement, when applied to our submittal, is quite what you have in mind, but…this has great potential, we felt…)

Without further ado.

Doom 3 is my fave
Too bad that I have a Mac
my processor sucks.

Jennifer Lankenau

I can recite Pi
Up to 200 digits.
Thus have no boyfriend.

Jennifer Lankenau

Open tag close tag
I adore HTML
CSS hates me.

Jennifer Lankenau

Touchscreen interface
+ kids with snotty fingers
= viral bomb

Philip Kearney

Please don’t overload
Flux Capacitor. Great Scott!
We’ll never get home

Chris Senn

Robots we will be
A data input function
Slaves to computers

Chris Senn

Blank stare at the screen
Instant gratification
Beware tech zombies!

Chris Senn

Hail Jean-Luc Picard
Best, Starfleet Captain, Ever
Set Phasers to Stun

Chris Senn

Indiana Jones
Now enjoy it in 3D!!!!!
George Lucas, you whore.

Philip Kearney

Demolition Man–
When they plucked out that guy’s eyes..
Let’s stay analog.

Philip Kearney

Online gaming: lame.
Screw that World of Warcraft junk
Give me Minesweeper

Jennifer Lankenau

I’m out of practice
Haikus don’t roll off the tongue
Jenn only skilled for PONG

Andrew Kane

Late night, eyes blurry,
Yelling out “More DOTS, More DOTS!!”
Gaming is stressful.

David Barrow

You’ll get sweet lovin’
Sugar…Baby…just gotta
Finish this level…

Jennifer Lankenau

Dress up in costume
To role play in the forest
Just like Robin Hood

Heather Van Houten

Once an episode…
Computer – tea, earl grey – hot…
Damn, tea is sexy…

Jennifer Lankenau

Elf ears and cloak, check.
Perfect elvish dialect,
Here I am, ladies!

David Barrow

Or you could dress up
As a powerful Sith Lord
Stand in movie line

Chris Senn

We are SG-1
Oooh! Richard Dean Anderson!
Teal’c is hotter bald.

Jennifer Lankenau

Oh the poor Asgard
Beware the replicators!
Thor is worm-fodder

Jennifer Lankenau

Stargate: Atlantis
Is such a lame-ass ripoff!
Hammond is cooler!!

Jennifer Lankenau

It’s the Chapa-ai!
Watch out for the goa’uld!
Wormholes are awesome

Jennifer Lankenau

Sadly, SG-1’s
Richard Dean Anderson is
No Scott Bakula

Chris Senn

Enter my Tardis
Come along! Don’t make a fuss!
Trapped with me in time…

Philip Kearney

Aw, no need to cry!
Care for a jelly baby?
Now, there’s a good girl.

Philip Kearney

You’ll never be free!
Now obey your new Time Lord–
Serve my robot dog!

Philip Kearney

I have to quote Phil…
“Ignorance is my weapon!”
That’s funny right there…

Jennifer Lankenau

YES! Continuum!
The One I’ve Been Waiting For
Netflix Is My Friend

Ed Wenick

Oh we are the Borg
We will assimilate you
Our skin is nasty

Jennifer Lankenau

We are perfection!
And resistance is futile!
You organic slime!!!

Jennifer Lankenau

We are Locutus!
No tea earl grey hot for you!
Number one? Hello…?

Jennifer Lankenau

Rejected CC
Wrong number? Three digit code?
Insufficient Funds?

Chris Senn

Poor Lieutenant Yar.
Engulfed in a pool of goo.
So embarassing.

Jennifer Lankenau

Ugh…Deanna Troi…
“I sense pain…terrible pain!”
Yeah, here’s a bitch-slap!

Jennifer Lankenau

Commander Data
“Oh no, my emotion chip!”
Such a whiner now.

Jennifer Lankenau

Q is Teh Hawesome!
He toys about with Picard.
Most enjoyable.

Jennifer Lankenau

Picard to Riker!
On screen! Engage! On my mark!
Warp 2! So bossy!

Jennifer Lankenau

You forgot Geordi
He works on the engines and
Hosts Reading Rainbow

Chris Senn

And what about Worf
Always struggles with temper
That silly Klingon

Chris Senn

These were pulled from the previous Collective’s Collection:

evolutionist
psuedointellectual
congratulations

Andrew Kane

Dot, dot, dash, dash, dot
Dash,dot,dot, dash, dot, dash,dash.
Dot,dot, dot, dot, dash.

David Barrow

The Web under seige
Invading the blogosphere
Haiku’s will conquer

Chris Senn

Plant energy source,
They cannot live without it.
Photosynthesis.

David Barrow

Photosynthesis
Lets just pick random words now
What a crock of poop

Philip Kearney

Photosynthesis
Makes plants Photosynthesize
As in the act of

Chris Senn

Oh the green green leaves
Photosynthesis takes place
Yummy food from sun!

Jennifer Lankenau

Photosynthesis?
Doesn’t happen at my house
My plants are all dead

Heather Van Houten

Accursed sunlight!
Photosynthesis shall fall!
Methane sea Vents WIN!!!!!!!

Philip Kearney

Nothing grows in here
Darkness is all pervasive
No seeds will blossom

Andrew Kane

In the dark I take
Pictures of plants, so why no
Photosynthesis?

Chris Senn

I.T. just called me
seems that we crashed a server
Go team venture go!

Andrew Kane

3.141
5926535
8979

Jennifer Lankenau

Comic Sans, Woo-hoo!
I’m festive and appealing!
Use it everyday!

David Barrow

XBOX 360–
Finally it’s worth owning…
Fable 2 is near!

Philip Kearney

Got My Brand New Wii
Won’t Be Playing Much Else Now
Make Room And Fear Me

Ed Wenick

Forget Fable 2,
No other game but Lo tro,
Nothing else matters.

David Barrow

I’m still stuck playing
Guitar Hero III but can’t
Wait for Fable 2

Chris Senn

Cry myself to sleep
Jacked up my home computer
No internet now

Cannot surf the web
World of Warcraft must now wait
Blankly stare at walls

Andrew Kane

OUCH! My Worst Nightmare
To Not Have World Of Warcraft
Should Just Kill Me Now

Ed Wenick

Wikipedia
Random Article Button
Brain degredation.

Jennifer Lankenau

finis

So, we might be disqualified by sheer overwhelming mass alone, but I’m just excited to send this out there somewhere. This is probably more haiku’s (again the apostrophe protocol disclaimer) than you planned on receiving for the entire contest, but if nothing else it might provide some relaxing light reading…

My humblest regards,

Jennifer Lankenau and the Collective”

*fingers crossed*

voulez-voulez-vous…discarding humility for a moment…I can accomplish some damn cool things when I’m focused…long-live OCD!

*oh, my, there is the moststunning sunset right now…

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