I’m furrowing my brows at passers-by. Grrrrr.
I’m still at work so I know I won’t be provoking a knife-fight or anything.
My desk is in a main thoroughfare so I’m getting in a lot of good brow-furrowing traffic.
“Is your email working?”
I don’t get email often. If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t notice.
“I dunno, let me check.” I have to pick someone to bother.
To: (Insert hapless victim here)
Body: My email is not working. You didn’t get this. You were never here.
DON’T LOOK AT ME!
(Insert read receipt in the event they’re too perplexed/annoyed to reply)
Generic Office Title
Generic Office Phone Number
Generic Office Email Address
The recipient appears at my desk. Laffy Taffy in hand. Bewildered expression complete with contrapposto stance.
“hmmm?” Furrowed brow.
“I am not bringing you any candy!”
“Fine then! I am not ordering any more!”
(I am responsible for the sugar/fat/caffeine supply in the office).
This was considered heavily for a moment.
“Banana, strawberry, cherry or apple?”
Sigh. Shifts weight to the other foot. Still looking puzzled.
“Um, was I supposed to reply to the email?”
“I think you did.”
Satisfied, they trudge off to their desk with their Laffy Taffy in hand, safe in the knowledge that all is well in the world.
Type type type (coffee) *click* *click* type…
“Hey, do you have the label maker?”
Ok, here’s the thing: we have, in our office, a section entirely devoted to the containment and storage of office supplies. This includes paper, pens, staples, scissors, ibuprofen, bubble wrap, even Velcro. The only problem is, it’s completely inaccessible. Not via armed forces, or sentries, or even a curmudgeonly chihuahua…no. The reason people can’t acquire the tools they need is because they can’t find it. It’s an epidemic. They open a cupboard, stare into it blankly, and then give up all hope. There’s just no use. Reinforcements needed.
“Hey, Jennifer…do we have any thumbtacks?”
“Did you look for them?”
“Yeah, I don’t think we have any…”
“Far right, second drawer down.”
Anyway, label maker.
“Yes, it’s in the top middle drawer.”
15 minutes later, he brings it to me. “Here you go.”
“I don’t want it, put it back in the drawer.”
I hear several drawers being opened and closed.
Walk into the kitchen. Immediately understand the reason for the labeler request.
Freezer: “REALLY COLD”
Water faucet: “WATER”
Coffee machine: “COFFEE”
Everybody’s a comedian.