Boon has tolerated this for Five Years

Me: Boss is taking us to see Thor on Tuesday! Sweeeeeet.

Booooon!: nice!! another work movie thing

Me: I know. My boss rocks the party.
Tim knows his shit around here, man

Booooon!: huh?

Me: At work. He’s a smart cookie

Booooon!: Oh, Oh yeah he is

Me: He knows everything

Booooon!: WOW!!

Me: Yah! He knows how to de-ice fuel lines!
And sail pirate ships!

Booooon!: very useful stuff!

Me:I think he even knows how to do a full open-heart bypass!

Booooon!: well, who doesn’t?

Me: I don’t =(
I called in sick that day.

Booooon!: of course you know how

Me: No, no I don’t.
I can make my dove look dead though.
And chew bubble gum.
Can you chew bubble gum?

Booooon!: I think I might be able to do that.
i’ve seen you do that thing with your dove

Me: I wonder if the dove can play dead and chew bubblegum at the same time.

Booooon!: Oooooo, NOW that would be a trick.

Me: Badger badger badger badger MUSHROOM MUSHROOM.
Have you ever put non-food in the microwave?
We should do that.
Does George have a nice microwave?

Booooon!: yeah, he has a microwave

Me: we should put not-food in it
My microwave sucks

Booooon!: why non food?

Me: Because food doesn’t really do anything interesting, just predictable food-things.
Like soup does soup-asplosions.

Booooon!: true true

Me: But non-food stuff…man, you just dont.know

Booooon!: this is true

Me: Like Peeps. Peeps aren’t food, and look what happens there. That’s not natural.
I think I’ve missed 11:11 like, a gazillion times.
I’ve lost my cosmic connection with the universe.

Booooon!: OMG!!!! how?

Me: I don’t know!!
Maybe if I learned how to do open heart surgery it would help.

Booooon!: it might

Me: Or got cooler socks. I have really boring socks.

Booooon!: i’m not sure that will help

Me: How about open heart surgery while wearing cooler socks and a colander on my head?
The socks being on my feet, not on my head.

Booooon!: that will do it.

Voulez-voulez-vous da Boon.

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