“So I’m reading my genderbending zombie book. And suddenly there’s this talking bird…”

Direct quote.

This is the genderbending zombie book.

It’s action-packed with hedgehogs and violins and bad-ass, milk-drinking cuddle-puppy protagonists and I suddenly realize that there’s this entire realm of literary genre that I have yet to appreciate.

But that’s not what I came to talk about…

Occasionally when I am in need of blogger-fodder I will peruse photo albums both on my computer and phone to see if there is anything that I *intended* to write about and didn’t.

Enter exhibit A.  Including subtitles.

THANKSGIVING IS THANKING

GOD HE HASN’T KILLED U YET!

GOD’S LAWS

WAGES OF SIN IS

DEATH!  DON’T BE A TURKEY.

REPENT!!

At the time this photo was taken, it was Christmas.  Not thanksgiving.  I wondered why they had not generated new, holiday-specific signage.

Also, this spectacle was taking place across from the Church of Scientology, whose representatives were also out in force, looking for “new recruits”, or money, or wanting to attach their electrode-device to people’s temporal lobes…I’m stereotyping.  I avoided that side of Pine St.

Combine this theological “Battle of the Bands” with the busiest shopping center in downtown Seattle during the holiday season, and you get this almost pep-rally feel that is not dissimilar to the “WE GOT SPIRIT!  YES WE DO!!” cheering volley between warring high schools during football season.  They have a whole host of heathens to convert, and a finite number of shopping days to pick them off.  Or terrify/intimidate them while they’re waiting with their kids/dogs to have their photo taken with Santa.  Cuz God knows that’s what I’d love about my religion.  Never-ending paranoia of being cast into the depths of hell for sleeping in on Sundays, having a potty mouth and premarital sex.  (All three may, or may not, be concurrent.  Is punishment worse for such an all-inclusive slight against God?)

I gotta say I especially enjoyed the friendly, bright blue “Repent or Perish” hoodies.  It almost makes you feel kinda ok about eternal damnation, so long as you get a hoodie.

This fine weekend they were requesting funds from passers-by, with their large, bedraggled looking signs and “Flames of Damnation” attire.  I surmised to finance the production of  more said zealot-hoodies, or to go to Utrecht and get materials to make a seasonally-appropriate damnation banner.  Either way, I had none to give.  I had given what I had to the Planned Parenthood advocates two blocks previous.

It took a great deal of impulse control not to reveal this fact.

I’m cool with religion…the Catholics know how to bust out some damn fine architecture.  Which I tend to be a bit obsessive about.  But religion, church, “oh forgive me lord..!” etc etc… just not my thing.  I’ll draw and paint cathedrals (the photo to the right is a piece of mine), but that’s about as close as I’m willing to get to the whole environment. (Despite breaking into Mass once or twice out of curiosity).

I think I need a hoodie.

Voulez-voulez-vous REPENT or PERISH!!

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