Captain Jack and the Shrimp Shack Shooters

Upon beginning this blog I realized that my bloody Yahoo hosting interface hates Chrome, and Safari, and basically any browser but Firefox.  As a Mac user, I am a devoted Chrome fanatic.  But when I try and post a blog entry using this particular application in my browser of choice, it chokes and gurgles upon itself and no progress is made.  So I have sadly discovered that if I am to have a happy pretty blog, I must also have a douchebag browser.  Technology fail.

But I digress.

Riding the bus affords me certain unique opportunities that regular automobile (AUTOMOBIIIILE???)  commuters just do not experience.  Of course, these selfsame commuters do not realize that they have become one of my favorite forms of entertainment as we go careening down 520 during the wee hours of the weekday morn.  You people manage the most amazing feats of multitasking while driving.  Sure, most of you manage to manipulate your mobile devices with a fair amount of manual dexterity while operating a motor vehicle with relative (?) success.  But I’ve seen iPads, laptops, I’ve seen entire breakfasts being consumed, outfits changed, hairdos coiffed, makeup applied (one woman meticulously applied mascara in her rearview mirror while maintaining a healthy 55 MPH down I-5).  If I weren’t in a large, reinforced steel tube that could crush anything in its path should shit really go down, I’d never leave the house.  You people are bloody insane.  Legislators think cell phones are all they have to worry about?  Holy hell man, in my estimation Sephora is FAR more deadly than texting my “ETA” to my “BFF”.  People drive with their dogs on their laps – and I’m not talking Pomeranians…I’ve seen full-size Labradors and Cocker Spaniels cruising along with their heads hanging out the driver’s side window with shit-eating grins on their faces.

Of course, the inner sanctum of public transit is not the idyllic 45-minute cruise that one would hope. You have the stereotypical anti-deodorant folks, the creepy lech guy who sits next to you even though the bus is TOTALLY EMPTY, the screaming kid downing an entire bag of Skittles and his ironically bewildered mother, the people who don’t realize the volume at which they’re holding embarrassing phone conversations…or, like yesterday, dancing pirates.  True story.  No, he did not have earphones.  Whatever he was listening to, dude had it goin’ on in his head.  Oddly, it matched perfectly with the tempo of what I was listening to at the time…got my toes a-tappin’…I’ll admit it.  Must be brilliant to have that kind of soundtrack in your own head.  He even had a feather in his hat.  And some pretty sick moves for a pirate. I don’t think I’ll be underestimating pirates for a while.  What was brilliant was the effect he was having on those around him.  I find it hilarious how when amazing and odd things happen in this city, people do the “OHMIGOSH LOOK AT THIS INTERESTING AND FASCINATING ALBEIT ATTENTION-CONSUMING THING ON MY PHONE!” bit.  They were doing anything to avoid looking at this guy busting a move on the bus.  Me? I think it would be far more interesting to join in, or at least give him a soundtrack, or maybe throw confetti at him.  Or throw confetti at the OHMIGOSH, PHONE!! people.  It’s amazing the effort we put into ignoring one another.

Voulez-voulez-vous savvy?

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